“Oh, I was so skinny when I was younger, here take a look at this picture in my phone.”
Karen shows me a picture of her from 10+ years ago. She definitely moved way up in weight class or as my homeboy would say “from elegant to elephant.” (It’s wrong, I know)
“Well, you know, diet plays a key role in that” I say. “Do you take any medications or use birth control? I’ve heard they can mess with your hormones and can cause weight gain.”
“Oh, no I don’t take any medications.”
“What about birth control?”
She turns towards me and with the straightest face says “Oh no, honey, I don’t use birth control. I don’t like taking pills everyday and I don’t want to use IUDs or those capsules things you put in your arm. You know after I do my thing, you know, I just pop some Plan B and I’m good to go baby.”
I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Plan B. The fucking abortion bill. I’m absolutely sure that’s an emergency contraceptive and not some “everything I get my back blown out, I just pop one of these and dipsy-doo dunk-a-roo, everything is awesome” type of deal. I inquire more.
“Doesn’t that wreck your body?” I asked.
“Oh, no nothing happens. I’m fine.”
“Really????” I ask.
“Yeah, really, why are you looking at me like I’m stupid?” she asks
In my head, I’m thinking “Well, that’s not what it’s suppose to be used for. It doesn’t protect you from any sexual diseases. I know you don’t have a man, and clearly you don’t give a fuck who’s busting nuts up in there. Man, I grew up in the Age of AIDS, where you were terrified of having unprotected sex, because you got HIV and died period. Shit, motherfuckers use to run people out of town for that shit. But since no one dies, everyone thinks everything is great. I don’t know too many guys walking around with their current STD test, and highly doubt you requested that info before knocking the boots. ”
Instead I say “Oh, well I’m a male and I assume you would know better being a female and dealing with all that.” You know, what the fuck do I know right? I’m just another man running his mouth.
“Damn, right!!!” Karen says. “You guys are so ignorant about women’s bodies and always trying to make laws about OUR bodies, baby.” clapping her hands at the end of the sentence.
“You right, you right” I say.
“Damn right I am” she says as she exits the building.
I guess.